Sort of Beautiful
by Kaitsa
Summary: After rescuing Bella from her cliff-diving experiment, Jacob drives her home in his truck. This is how I've always pictured that scene to end, and I finally took the time to write it. Jacob x Bella one-shot.


**Summary: **

After rescuing Bella from her cliff-diving experiment, Jacob drives her home in his truck. This is how I've always pictured that scene to end, and I finally took the time to write it. Jacob x Bella one-shot.

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I had almost lost her, my Bella.  
No, not my Bella. But I wish she were, and she knows it.

I was sunken deep into thoughts when I drove her home. Not about Victoria, I should have been thinking about Victoria, but all my thoughts evolved around Bella, once again. This girl who was sitting in the truck next to me, shivering in her wet clothes. I could warm her up so much better than this blanket does. But I wasn't in the mood to continue those fantasies. I was too upset.

How could she be so careless with her life, the thing that matters to me most?

I mean, I knew she was depressed. When she first came to my garage with that motorcycle, she was an empty shell. Dark circles under her eyes. Charlie had come to Billy asking for a father's advice; apparently she was having horrible nightmares every single night. He was getting desperate and thinking about sending her back to her mother.

Back then, yes, I would have understood a suicide attempt. She must have been close too, and maybe that was the whole idea behind her motorcycle.

But now? I'd like to believe that I was making her feel better again. We spent a lot of time together and I could see her eyes light up with every passing day. Even if she walked in looking absolutely horrible, after another bad night, I managed to make her smile and she'd return home with a cute blush on her cheeks.

My friends from my pack tease me with her of course, but somehow, I don't mind. Whenever they mention her name and add 'Jacob's girlfriend', I can't help but smile.

And I don't know, I guess I believed up until today that she was considering it. That she was starting to forget about that bloodsucker at last, and think about being my girl.

But I suppose that was teenage make-belief. She knew she could have me, I was sure of that, and still she decided to rather jump off that cliff, right in the arms of Victoria.

I have been so blind, believing that she was doing better. She wasn't better at all.

Maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to see.

That might explain why others don't see her the same way, they wonder why I like her in the first place. They call her a depressed mess. Any girl that can grieve so much over a lost boyfriend, doesn't have any self respect or identity. Some even dared to state that she's using me.

Obviously I punched all those guys in the face over and over again, until they stopped talking about her all together.

I know Bella in a way nobody else does. When she's around me, she's witty and cheerful, not a depressed mess. We have tons of fun. And she's not like other girls either. She doesn't care about clothes and make up, about proms and dates. She's real, as real as it gets.

At last, I reached her dark house and cut the engine so everything was silent.

She hadn't spoken a word since we left and I was wondering if she was mad at me for rescuing her. I wasn't sorry though.

I pulled her into a hug and felt her lean closer. She didn't seem mad, and she didn't plan on getting out of the car, the way she snuggled against me. Who would want to leave into the cold night, when you can have the blazing arms of a werewolf?

Then again, she did prefer cold bloodsuckers, so with her, you never know.

"Sorry", I spoke, not really sure if I was apologizing for the rescue, or for loving her too much, "I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing – and that's something no one wants to hear." I laughed nervously.

Her breathing picked up and I wondered what it meant. Did I give too much information? I thought I had been clear in the past about how I saw her. Maybe she didn't want to hear it now.

And then I felt her shift a tiny bit. She didn't respond to my joke, didn't even laugh politely, but now she turned her head a little bit towards me. I felt her breath on my shoulder, her lips almost touched my skin. What on earth was she up to?

Before I could reach any conclusion, she suddenly stiffened and I let her go.

This was it, she would get out of the car now and the moment would be gone. The moment that was filled with possibility. At least, that is what I hoped. In the flash of that second, I felt like she would actually do it. Cross that bridge and choose me.

I closed my eyes and waited for the door to open, but no sound came.

Carefully, I looked sideways. She was staring out the front window, her arms across her chest like she always does when she's upset about the vampires.

Great. So she's been thinking about Edward again.

Sure I was hurt, it starts to sting more and more, with every time she gives me hope and then takes it away again.

But just like all the other times, I can't be annoyed with her, not when I see her like this. So I put my feelings aside and ask "Are you okay, Bella?"

She nodded and looked up at me with big apologetic eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jake, I wish I could…" she didn't finish her sentence and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it.

"You don't have to say it," I said, and I took her hand in mine, the way we always had. I was letting her know it's okay. It's okay to take my affection whenever she needs it and then start dreaming about her vampire again.

"I do, I think it's time I'm being honest with you."

"Allright," I said, apprehensively.

"I've been hearing him. Edward. In my mind," she confessed while she looked at our hands in her lap.

I almost cringed when I heard his name. "He's been talking to me, whenever I'm being reckless. I see his image, as if he's right there. So the only way I can keep him close to me…"

"… is by doing stupid crazy stuff, like crashing a motorcycle and jumping off a cliff?" I finished her story.

She simply nodded, cheeks red in shame.

Hearing this pissed me off to no end. I was still in control, more than I had been a few months ago, but still my hands trembled.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked, in a soft voice.

"No, not at you. At him. For leaving you in this state. So that you would risk your life just to catch a glimpse of him."

"He didn't know," she tried to defend him again, but at this I started shaking more.

"That's bullshit, Bells!" She cringed at my tone, so I continued in a calmer voice "I didn't know what you were upto just now either. But did I let your drown? No! When you love somebody, you don't just assume they're gonna be fine. You look after them. You make sure they are okay."

I didn't realize what I had said until I was done. I told her I loved her. And I didn't even say it in a sweet way. I was such a douche. Listening to me rant at Edward and confess my love for her was probably the last thing she wanted to hear.

She slowly turned sideways and looked at me.

Now it was my turn to start blushing.

I expected her to tell me that she didn't see me this way, you know, the whole love-you-like-a-brother speech, I was ready for it.

"He didn't look after me, did he?"

I shook my head, and looked at her with worry.

"He left me." She said it as if she was finally getting the message. I was afraid she would break down any moment now, but instead, her grip on my hand got stronger.

"He left me and he didn't know I would be fine, and he sure as hell didn't make sure I was fine, because I really wasn't!"

She sounded angry now, and I had to admit that I liked it. Angry Bella was so much better than devastated Bella, and god knows that bloodsucker deserved it.

"And here I am," she continued while she started shivering again, "still thinking about not betraying him, when he did let me drown."

I didn't let my heart dwell on what she might mean, talking about betraying him. Maybe I didn't misread the signs earlier, maybe she was considering me after all?

This time she didn't wait for me to pull her closer. She was cold and crawled near me again, placing her cool cheek on my shoulder.

My arm was wrapped around her instinctively.

She muttered "I'm sorry," but I already forget what she was sorry about, when I felt her breath against my skin.

"Hmm?"

"You deserve so much better, Jake."

"I can't imagine anybody better than you," I said. I didn't care any longer about hiding my feelings. I already said I loved her and she was still here. So why bother holding back?

"All I've done the past year is talking and thinking about him, when you were here all along. You're the one who made me smile, you picked me up and brought me back to life, you're the one who saved me. In so many ways…"

I smiled, happy that she finally saw that much. Even if it didn't change a thing.

"It wasn't a bother at all, Bella. I love your company, you were easy to save. And you were here for me too, when things got rough this year, the wolf stuff and all. I can't imagine a better friend, so you have nothing to feel sorry for," I tried to comfort her.

And this time she did it.

There wasn't a warning, or a hesitation. She placed her lips on my shoulder and she kissed me.

Before I could wonder if this was a thank you kiss, she placed another one on my skin, a little higher.

This was too good to be true. I knew I had to aks her to stop. She had just gone through a near dead experience. I should carry her inside, let her sleep, and go hunt that Victoria.

But I was frozen in time and space, feeling her lips on my skin, going up to my neck.

Her breath came fast now, and so did mine. Was this really happening?

Instead of doing the rational thing, my arm around her pulled her closer, and my face lowered slowly.

I had dreamed about this for so long, everything else could wait. I wouldn't give her a chance to change her mind.

She looked up straight into my eyes and there was no trace of the pity I feared to see.

I saw nothing but love. And not the brotherly kind. I saw a girl, my girl, whose eyes had opened for the first time in months. Who saw me clearly and who knew what was right.

It would come naturally, it would be so easy, like breathing.

I smiled at her and she smiled back, nervously.

"You're sort of beautiful," I said, while I softly brushed the wet strands of hair from her face.

She chuckled and I saw that familiar twinkle in her eye, the one that made her come to life the past months.

And then she closed the distance. She kissed me and it was easy indeed.

I pulled her onto my lap and I swore to myself to never let her go again. No wolf or vampire would ever harm this girl, she was mine now.

When our tongues met, she wrapped her arms around my neck and I pulled her against my chest.

We kissed and kissed, making up for all the time we lost. We made out like only teenagers can. And it was clumsy, and feverish, but at the same time sweet and loving. Her wet clothes were uncomfortable and I was in fact too big to fit into the drivers seat with a girl on my lap, but we still didn't leave the truck. This moment was simply too perfect to break.

When finally our lips needed some rest, she laid her head on my shoulder.

And she whispered the words that I've been needing to hear for ages now.

I knew right there and then that she wouldn't change her mind. Even if he came back, he would be too late. I had taken my chance, and she felt it now. She knew it.

"I love you, Jake."

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AN: This is the first fic I wrote in three years, please let me know what you think!


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